I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
