I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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