Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
