guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
