I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
