I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
