3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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