Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
