Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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