This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
