sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
