accomplished twins. life is a go
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
