how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We named our party play list daddy issues
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
