Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
