I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
