You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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