Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize