im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
