I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
