Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
