Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
