I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I smell like Dick and happiness
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
