Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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