I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i would punch a child for taco bell
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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