im drinking this country out of the recession.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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