No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
