I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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