Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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