Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
