I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
