You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
