You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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