cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
