Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
