he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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