I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
