I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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