Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
