so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
