just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
