Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
