Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
