Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she smelled like a LAN party
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
