Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
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You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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