The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
