im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
