Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
