The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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