Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
