Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
