I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
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You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize