Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
