you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize