working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
