I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
