the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
