onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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