the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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