New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's shark week go big or go home
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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