I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
