I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
