And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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