he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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