ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
