"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
