Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
