You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
