I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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