video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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