I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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