how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
