I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
