I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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