ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
