My room smells like vodka and shame
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
