Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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