I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
