there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
