i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
