fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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