i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
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I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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