whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
