[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize